SEASON ENDING NOTES

MANCHESTER UNITED
POSITION – 1ST
Honours – Premiership title, Carling cup.
POINTS - 90
MVP – Nemanja Vidic
Overall result – A minus
Needs for next season –
• Loyalty from Cristiano Ronaldo or a proper replacement when he pisses of to Real Madrid.
• An injury free season from Owen Hargreaves.
• The maturity of Ben Foster.
• Reduced roles for the old men.
• Midfielder with a passing range
• Realisation that Ji Sun Park, Anderson, Fletcher, John O Shea etc are mere average players at best.


LIVERPOOL
POSITION – 2ND
Honours – Nothing
POINTS - 86
MVP – Steven Gerard
Overall result - B minus
Need for next season
• Sensibility from the manager, Rafa Benitez. Stop warring with Fergie
• Sensibility from the owners
• Don’t let Rafa Benitez buy players
• Less dependence on Steven Gerard

CHELSEA
POSITION – 3RD
Honours – FA cup
POINTS - 83
MVP – Frank Lampard
Overall result – C
Need for next season
• Stability
• Young strikers
• Manageable expectations
• Sensible owner purchases; we know you have the money but you never needed Deco or Shevchenko or Quaresma.
• Don’t buy Emmanuel Adebayor
• Be more expansive which means that Michael Essien and John Mikel Obi don’t start games together.

ARSENAL
POSITION – 4TH
Honours – Nothing
MVP – Andrei Arshavin
POINTS - 72
Overall result - D
Need for next season
• A lobotomy for Arsene Wenger to wipe out the nonsense youth policy he believes will work out sometime in the future
• A central defender, a holding midfielder, some real Alan Shearer like strikers. All should be above 25 years old.
• Sell Emmanuel Adebayor, Abou Diaby, Denilson and Nicholas Bendtner
• If all fails sack Arsene Wenger


EVERTON
POSITION – 5TH
Honours – Nothing
POINTS - 63
MVP – Philip Neville
Mark – B +
Need for next season
• Money for David Moyes to spend
• To be kicked out of Europe early as they can’t concentrate on two major competitions
• Lesser injuries


ASTON VILLA
POSITION – 6TH
HONOURS – Nothing
POINTS - 62
MVP – Ashley Young
Mark - C
Need for next season
• Lesser dependence on English players
• Manager who can coach and win in March and April
• Manager who doesn’t believe his own hype
• A Gabby Agbonlahor who can score at least twice a month
• Getting it up for other teams than Arsenal

FULHAM
POSITION – 7TH
MVP – Brede Hangeland
POINTS - 53
Overall result – B +
Need for next season
• Another brilliant season from Roy Hodgson
• Proper investments from Mohammed Fayed
• Concentration from all players all the time


TOTTENHAM HOTSPURS
POSITION – 8TH
MVP – Aaron Lennon
POINTS - 51
Overall result - D
Need for next season
• Less wheeler dealing, more managing from Harry Redknapp
• Concentrate on the league and not the London league
• Stop believing they are a big team
• A midfielder with a passing range
• Strikers who can score
• Don’t lose 8 games by October.


WEST HAM UNITED
POSITION – 9TH
MVP – Carlton Cole
POINTS - 51
Overall result – B Minus
Need for next season
• Economic stability in Iceland
• Sell the club
• Proper investment in squad
• Proper strikers and midfielders
• If Chelsea sack their manager don’t let Gianfranco Zola join them
• Get rid of Dean Ashton


MANCHESTER CITY
POSITION – 10TH
MVP – Stephen Ireland
POINTS - 50
Overall result – D Minus
Need for next season
• Buy superstars or hardworking players not Craig Bellamy
• Buy players for all positions
• Find a way to win away games
• Get rid of Mark Hughes and get a superstar manager that befits the rich mans toy status of the club.
• Don’t lose Stephen Ireland
• Explain to Robinho that he is going nowhere no matter what he does or say


WIGAN ATHLETIC
POSITION – 11TH
MVP – Antonio Valencia
POINTS - 45
Overall result – B
Need for next season
• Stability in the managers position
• Stop being a selling team at least
• Stop the chairman from speaking



STOKE CITY
POSITION – 12TH
MVP – RORY DELAP
POINTS - 45
Overall result – B +
Need for next season
• Buy some of the good players from Newcastle
• Find another way to attack the 18 yard box besides the throw ins of Rory Delap
• Don’t beat up on Arsenal and then lose to Portsmouth

BOLTON WANDERERS
POSITION – 13TH
MVP – KELVIN DAVIES
POINTS – 41
Overall result – C
Need for next season
• A striker who will get at the end of those knock downs from Kelvin Davies
• Buy some good players from Newcastle
• An adventurous manager
• Survival
• Don’t be scared of Man U and Chelsea

PORTSMOUTH
POSITION - 14TH
MVP - GLEN JOHNSON
POINTS – 41
Overall result – C
Need for next season
• Stability
• Manager with ideas
• Younger players; Kanu is 45, John Utaka is 40, Sol Campbell is slow, David James is 40.

BLACKBURN ROVERS
POSITION – 15TH
MVP – Ryan Nelsen
POINTS - 41
Overall result – D
Need for next season
• New manager
• New manager – playing Chris Samba as a striker is affront to football
• New manager – feeling humiliated by Rafa Benitez after being told to feel humiliated by Fergie is silly
• New manager – chewing gum
• New manager – head set/phones
• Defence


SUNDERLAND
POSITION – 16TH
MVP – KENWYNE JONES
POINTS – 36
Overall result – B
Need for next season
• Stability
• Manager with communication skills
• Stop buying Tottenham and West Ham rejects
• Defence
• newcastle
• The big 4 teams don’t bite, attempt to play them next season

HULL
POSITION – 17TH
MVP – Kevin Kilbane
POINTS – 35
Overall – D
Need for next season
• A manager who doesn’t believe his hype
• A manager who doesn’t generate hype
• A manager who didn’t learn his trade from Sam Allardyce
• Young midfielders
• Players who can play in the winter

NEWCASTLE
POSITION – RELEGATED
POINTS – NOT ENOUGH
MVP – No one good enough
Overall result – incomplete
Need for next season
• Mike Ashley becomes poor and sells the team to survive
• Alan Shearer promises never to visit Newcastle
• Reasonable fans who understand that Shearer is not a god and Mike Ashley owns the team and therefore can do anything to the team
• Get rid of 90% of the playing squad


MIDDLESBROUGH
POSITION – RELEGATED
POINTS – Not nearly enough
MVP – what?
Overall result – incomplete
Need for next season
• A ruthless owner, what is all this nonsense about being the nicst owner in football.
• New manager


WEST BROMWICH ALBION
POSITION – RELEGATED
POINTS - Doomed from day one
MVP – please
Overall result – see the headmaster
Need for next season
• Nothing, they will win the championship and be odds on to go down after one season in the premiership. Nature of the beast.

MONEY TALKS...

Interviewer:
Mr Barry, what are your plans for the coming season
Gareth Barry:
I want to play for a team in the champions league. It is the one competition I cherish above all others. That is where all the top players want to play.
Moneybags:
Why not come and play for Manchester City. We are not in the Champions league and won’t qualify for it next year. But we will give you £60,000 more a week.
Gareth Barry:
That is a good sum of money but I want to play in the Champions league. I thought we will do it with Aston Villa but our gaffer couldn’t buy a victory in two months; letting those southern softies at Arsenal to take the 4th spot.
Moneybags:
At Man City, you will play with Craig Bellamy and that reject from Chelsea, Wayne Bridge. Do you want more money? Robinho plays for us and we bid £104m for a player who can’t find Manchester on the map
Gareth Barry:
I’ll sign.
Interviewer:
So, Mr Barry you are now signing for a team not even in the Champions league. Are you joining them because they are paying you £60,000 a week more than your last pay packet?
Gareth Barry:
What do you expect me to do? I will look for another excuse of going down market; how does the potential of Manchester city sound? What about the chance to play with world class players like Jo and Kelvin Etuhu?
Interviewer:
Good luck Gareth, forget the bollocks and follow the money.

POOR OR OUTPLAYED???

Fergie believes that Manchester United could have beaten Barcelona in the champions league final if Darren Fletcher. IF fergie believes that difference between being thoroughly outplayed and dominated and winning the game yesterday was Darren Fletcher then he doesn’t know as much about football as I would have thought.

Fergie seems to forget that he already had players with limited skills but an abundance of heart and brawn on the pitch – Anderson, Ji Sun Park, John O’Shea, Michael Carrick – he couldn’t have possibly competed fairly with Barcelona if they brought on another player who is only looks half decent because he is surrounded with luxury articles like Rooney and Ronaldo.

When or how did Nemanja Vidic become Pascal Cygan? When did he become as slow as a reversing articulated lorry? In more than two games this season he has been exposed but to do it at this level is plain criminal.

Man U did not become a poor team over night but something went wrong which might include just being scared of the opposition. It happened against Real Madrid with the whole team including Roy keane and Paul Scholes freezing up against Zinedine Zidane, Redondo and Ronaldo (the original).

But how does a team with such experience not be able to compete; passing the ball to a team mate cannot be that difficult unless you are Michael Carrick and co in midfield last night. And where was the technical nous & expertise of Guus Hiddink who nullified the Barcelona threat for more than 180 minutes in the semi finals.

In the absence of three quarters of their back four I expected that Man Utd would have made it more of a game. The left back was 35 year Sylvinho but he wasn’t disturbed too much yesterday and he defending against Cristiano Ronaldo the only white shirted player who left Rome with any pride.

Man Utd will be back and I guarantee that there will be an English side in the finals next year

SILLY SEASON BEGINS

Silly season has officially started. I shouldn’t be commenting on any of the silly season acquisition or departures because it is just a waste of my time but some will just be too good to ignore like the ones already circulating.

Arsene Wenger to Real Madrid is a perennial one so we can ignore it. Wenger will not be leaving Arsenal where he has total control to a team where he will be sacked if he wins just La liga without Champions league or wins both of them but not playing the Real Madrid way. This will rumble on till 2011 and then he will sign a new contract.

Carlos Tevez is leaving for Liverpool or Manchester City or Arsenal or …
Why should we bother where he goes, when a team that understands the convoluted ownership of this player and still buys and then we can comment on it? He might still stay at Manchester United if we can believe anything the hierarchy say at Man Utd.

Nemanja Vidic was voted best player for Manchester United; so who voted his team mate Ryan Giggs best player in the premiership.

Rafa Benitez, Liverpool’s manager has congratulated Manchester United for winning the premiership but he still believes that fergie is a wanker and has allegedly refused to congratulate him personally. This is one battle I look forward to next season. But does Rafa Benitez need to congratulate Fergie, what exactly did Fergie achieve this season that he deserves congratulations from Benitez? It’s not like he scored any goals or kept a clean sheet. He’s just the most successful manager in football today and arguably ever. Benitez doesn’t like him and he doesn’t need to.
The rivalry has been around for decades and long may it continue.

Fergie and Wenger also had a very frosty relationship which has dissipated since Wenger lost the urge to compete for silverware. If this is what Benitez thinks is mind games he should rethink his approach before Jamie Carragher teaches him a thing or two.

Carlo Ancelloti will be joining Chelsea? Yes, No or maybe. The only reason I believe Chelsea is interested in this man is his previous experience managing old players like Cafu, Maldini, Inzaghi, Nesta and co. After the transformation of Guus Hiddink why would they want Ancelloti who is definitely not that good a manager, the Champions league title he won 2 years notwithstanding?


The market place that is Manchester City opens up soon but expect further purchases of players like Craig Bellamy and Wayne Bridge; the chairman just announced that Mark Hughes will remain as manager.

MAN UTD WIN 18TH

By 3pm on Saturday afternoon, Manchester United will be champions of England for the 18th time. I don’t need to congratulate them because I did that just 2 months ago when they were suffering what every pundit called a meltdown.

They have proven that they just lost those games to give the premiership, Sky TV and talking heads something to talk about. Why win the league in March when they could continue to give us this much excitement with just two games to go.

I don’t care who they play on Saturday, Man Utd will win the game. It makes it better for them that it is the old enemy, Arsenal. The operative word in my last statement is old; old as in not capable anymore of being the enemy. Old, as in not capable of rising to the occasion of trying to win the league anymore old; settling for fourth place old.

The last time Man Utd needed a win or draw to win the league and failed was 14 years ago when they need to beat West Ham to deprive Blackburn the premiership. They failed that day but never since and Arsenal are not in any position to deprive them this time around; and definitely not in front of their loyal fans visiting from London.

Arsenal has been quoted at 5/1 by the bookies to win at old Trafford. Good odds if Arsenal were man enough to muster a performance to deprive Fergie’s boys but this team are already in holiday mode irrespective of what old saps like Mikael Silvestre says. Putting down a marker for next season will not start on Saturday but what Arsene Wenger does in the close season.

Sir Alex also needs to get this championship done so he can concentrate on the Barcelona game. Beating Barcelona will not be a cakewalk so he will need to rest his big boys for the last game which is at the relegation bound Hull. Phil Brown and Hull will also need Arsenal to play as they can so Fergie can afford to lose their final game.

ARSENAL ARE CRAP

For some other team it will be seen as a crisis but at Arsenal it is business as usual. On Tuesday, Manchester United rolled into town and dispatched Arsenal from the champion’s league in eight short minutes. The game ended 1-3 to Man Utd but that result flattered Arsenal.

On Sunday, Chelsea turned and drubbed Arsenal 1-4. Arsenal had the better part of twenty minutes then succumbed to two quick goals and this game was over as a competition.

Did I tell you that Arsenal were at home for both games. Well it wouldn’t have mattered where the games were played as they were just woeful and the rot is becoming a permanent stench.

Arsenal as a team can’t score and can’t defend; possession or intricate passes does not give you points. The strikers they have are not good enough and neither are the defenders any better. They are too short to defend set pieces and what was Silvestre doing yesterday backing off Anelka daring him to shoot. Of course Anelka took his chance while the Arsenal strikers couldn’t hit a barn door from two yards.

Arsene Wenger is selling his fans a fantasy and a very bad product. In any other industry he will be sued for false advertising or fraud because he continues to promise that his product will be good enough to win the league but they haven’t done that for five years and on this evidence won’t be changing that terrile record soon.

Average players will not win in a league that demands top performances from its top players. Wenger is short changing his team by stubbornly sticking to this youth policy that has not won anything of substance including any games that mattered in the last three years.

A friend of mine took his young son to the game and I hope the son isn’t scarred with the drubbing his father’s team took yesterday. I would rather have my teeth pulled out without drugs than continue to watch Eboue, Diaby and co play football. It is too painful.

Of course, Arsene Wenger’s job is safe and that might be the problem. Wenger knows he won’t get sacked if he continues to serve up this tosh. It has been announced that he will get £40m for his transfer kitty and I can bet he is off to French West Africa to recruit or possibly the French league to pick up some potential good player instead of paying top dollar for established experienced players.

Arsenal fans, the suffering and smiling will continue.

ARSENAL DOWN,OUT AND ARSENE KNOWS F**k ALL

Arsenal will not win anything this year. They are out of all competitions and will just shave the 4th position in the race with Aston Villa and Everton because Aston Villa failed to win a game in two months.

The game yesterday night was described as between men and babies and Patrice Evra was quite true. Arsenal is not a match for Manchester United yet and won’t be next season if Arsene Wenger continues to spend money on potential instead of spending his hard earned cash on established AND experienced players like he did this January transfer window with Andrei Arshavin.

Picking up players like Kieran Gibbs, Carlos Vela and Aaron Ramsey is good for the future but Arsenal need to win today and they lack the players to sustain a challenge or to beat any of the big boys in a game that really matters. Arsenal needs experience to win, these boys can't be compared to the teams that had the LIKES of Adams, Bould, Winterburn,Dixon, Pires, Vieira, Henry, Petit etc. Man against boys is not a fair match and no matter how fast you can run you will still need guile brought on by experience to win in this league.

The team needs two central defenders and a holding midfielder a la Claude Makelele and Alex Song won’t do. They also need to get rid of Nicolas Bendtner and Emmanuel Adebayor and buy a player who can actually score goals regularly at this level. Arsene

Is Arsene Wenger in a comfort zone? Is he too secure in his position? How long can his team go without actually winning anything?

Watch this space as we monitor his moves this next transfer window