LESSONS FROM LAST WEEKEND

Spurs are not in the same bracket with Arsenal yet. Ledley King does not train but still gets into the team, why?

Harry Redknapp can’t coach for toffee and couldn’t find the grace to say that Arsenal are better than his lot.

Jamie Carragher got away with pulling Michael Owen down last week so he decided to repeat the trick but was caught against Fulham. Is the man that slow that he needs a wrestling move to stop players.

Liverpool is Torres and Gerard and nine others and they are poor without them. How did they let Xabi Alonso leave? And the fans blame the owners.

Can someone tell Phil Brown that self tanning went out in 90’s and he should stuff the receptionist mike where the sun don’t shine. And he should get used to coaching in the championship if he stays with Hull.

Sam Allardyce tried to deflect his abject coaching skills by taking on Giovanni Trappatoni, it failed and his team have now shipped 29 goals in 4 games. And I bet he is still the front runner for the England job when Fabio Capello leaves. His Blackburn team can’t string 4 passes together and it is woeful to see them defend too.

Chelsea are strong and full of men, nothing can stop them winning the league.

Liverpool can’t win the league under Benitez.

Man United will try this season but as they can’t depend on luck to win games all season they might not get 4 titles in a row.

West Ham might be going down unless they wake up and find the spirit of the first half against Sunderland or the 2nd half against Arsenal.

Who replaces William Gallas or Thomas Vermaelaen in the Arsenal defence?

If Man City had turned the 4 draws in a row into wins they could be top of the league already but who said money alone can buy the league. You also need a manager.

Saturday's done

So it’s official then; Portsmouth and Hull will go down to the championship at the end of this premiership season. After the results of this evening, staying in the premiership is virtually impossible.


Portsmouth lost their seventh game to start the season against Everton; so from a possible 21 points they garnered a total zero/nil points. Personally I don’t see how Paul Hart could have done any better after his team was gutted this off season. Defenders left, then the strikers and then the only decent Midfielder, Krancjar joined Harry at Spurs. Expecting anything more from Paul Hart is impossible. The man cannot do anything with the team he has left. Seeing Nwankwo Kanu, the 40 year old striker saunter on to the pitch after 80 minutes summarised the dire happenings at Fratton Park - An old immobile former skilful sod coming on for some unknown energiser bunny with the skills of Emile Heskey.


But I am happy for the position of Phil brown and Hull; the giant killers of last season have become the meek sheep of this one. The man who thought two great games in London elevated him besides Fergie can barely get his players to respond to his psychological mumbo jumbo. I wonder how long his spray on tan will last. He is being kept off the bottom of the league by the ineptitude of Portsmouth but he is as doomed as John McCain’s presidential bid after he picked Sarah Palin.


Wigan beat Chelsea 3-1 and Petr Cech was sent off; so Chelsea won’t go through the season unbeaten but should still win the league. Surprisingly, Chelsea lose to Wigan on the same day that John Terry says that Carlo Ancelotti can help them win the champions league. SO imagine the scenario; can’t beat Wigan but intend to beat Real Madrid or Barcelona. Good move JT, don’t let your mouth run away like that again.


Tottenham mauled Burnley by 5-0, with Robbie Keane getting four goals; is this the same spurs team that had 2 points after the first 8 games last season. Redknapp must really be a good manager. Ha ha ha

Team News after the fact

It is official now, Arsenal will not win the league this season. In both visits to Manchester, they have dominated and lost. This has happened to Arsenal many times in the past and it is just silly that Arsene Wenger continues his policy when he can surely see it is not working.

Emmanuel Adebayor scored today and has now scored 4 goals in 4 games; Arsenal fans still believe it was good riddance to a good player who needed more money, which Arsenal were never going to give him. Tomas Rosicky is back and scored so it might be good news for Arsenal but with Rosicky he might break down on the bus back to London and be out for another.

Chelsea is my early tip and are grinding out the games and winning somehow without the flair that there owner demands. Of course if he needed flair he wouldn’t employ Carlo Ancelloti, but that is jist for another day.

So Liverpool and Arsenal have lost 2 games and its still September; ManU have lost once and Chelsea are 5 out of 5 and you still think the championship is going somewhere else.

Manchester City is good, Tottenham is good but both of them cannot finish in the top 4 because there isn’t enough space for six teams in the top 4.

Yossi Benayoun scored 3 against Burnley today, is that his season quota blown in one day.

Hull City and Phil “I am a good coach” Brown are in a hurry to get back to the championship, I wonder how many games they will win this season.

And how come Portsmouth was bought by the only poor Arab in the world?

NEW SEASON

My people,
The English premier league is back.

I will be cheating and making my initial comments on all the premier league teams after the first games. That way my comments will be based on actual games and not the pre-season nonsense.

So Manchester City better win. Arsenal too. Will Liverpool improve and can Manchester United win it 4 times in a row. Oh yes, what about the new teams in the premiership; will they go straight back down or will they do a Stoke and beat the odds.

See you soon.

FOOTBALL IS SIMPLE

SEASON ENDING NOTES

MANCHESTER UNITED
POSITION – 1ST
Honours – Premiership title, Carling cup.
POINTS - 90
MVP – Nemanja Vidic
Overall result – A minus
Needs for next season –
• Loyalty from Cristiano Ronaldo or a proper replacement when he pisses of to Real Madrid.
• An injury free season from Owen Hargreaves.
• The maturity of Ben Foster.
• Reduced roles for the old men.
• Midfielder with a passing range
• Realisation that Ji Sun Park, Anderson, Fletcher, John O Shea etc are mere average players at best.


LIVERPOOL
POSITION – 2ND
Honours – Nothing
POINTS - 86
MVP – Steven Gerard
Overall result - B minus
Need for next season
• Sensibility from the manager, Rafa Benitez. Stop warring with Fergie
• Sensibility from the owners
• Don’t let Rafa Benitez buy players
• Less dependence on Steven Gerard

CHELSEA
POSITION – 3RD
Honours – FA cup
POINTS - 83
MVP – Frank Lampard
Overall result – C
Need for next season
• Stability
• Young strikers
• Manageable expectations
• Sensible owner purchases; we know you have the money but you never needed Deco or Shevchenko or Quaresma.
• Don’t buy Emmanuel Adebayor
• Be more expansive which means that Michael Essien and John Mikel Obi don’t start games together.

ARSENAL
POSITION – 4TH
Honours – Nothing
MVP – Andrei Arshavin
POINTS - 72
Overall result - D
Need for next season
• A lobotomy for Arsene Wenger to wipe out the nonsense youth policy he believes will work out sometime in the future
• A central defender, a holding midfielder, some real Alan Shearer like strikers. All should be above 25 years old.
• Sell Emmanuel Adebayor, Abou Diaby, Denilson and Nicholas Bendtner
• If all fails sack Arsene Wenger


EVERTON
POSITION – 5TH
Honours – Nothing
POINTS - 63
MVP – Philip Neville
Mark – B +
Need for next season
• Money for David Moyes to spend
• To be kicked out of Europe early as they can’t concentrate on two major competitions
• Lesser injuries


ASTON VILLA
POSITION – 6TH
HONOURS – Nothing
POINTS - 62
MVP – Ashley Young
Mark - C
Need for next season
• Lesser dependence on English players
• Manager who can coach and win in March and April
• Manager who doesn’t believe his own hype
• A Gabby Agbonlahor who can score at least twice a month
• Getting it up for other teams than Arsenal

FULHAM
POSITION – 7TH
MVP – Brede Hangeland
POINTS - 53
Overall result – B +
Need for next season
• Another brilliant season from Roy Hodgson
• Proper investments from Mohammed Fayed
• Concentration from all players all the time


TOTTENHAM HOTSPURS
POSITION – 8TH
MVP – Aaron Lennon
POINTS - 51
Overall result - D
Need for next season
• Less wheeler dealing, more managing from Harry Redknapp
• Concentrate on the league and not the London league
• Stop believing they are a big team
• A midfielder with a passing range
• Strikers who can score
• Don’t lose 8 games by October.


WEST HAM UNITED
POSITION – 9TH
MVP – Carlton Cole
POINTS - 51
Overall result – B Minus
Need for next season
• Economic stability in Iceland
• Sell the club
• Proper investment in squad
• Proper strikers and midfielders
• If Chelsea sack their manager don’t let Gianfranco Zola join them
• Get rid of Dean Ashton


MANCHESTER CITY
POSITION – 10TH
MVP – Stephen Ireland
POINTS - 50
Overall result – D Minus
Need for next season
• Buy superstars or hardworking players not Craig Bellamy
• Buy players for all positions
• Find a way to win away games
• Get rid of Mark Hughes and get a superstar manager that befits the rich mans toy status of the club.
• Don’t lose Stephen Ireland
• Explain to Robinho that he is going nowhere no matter what he does or say


WIGAN ATHLETIC
POSITION – 11TH
MVP – Antonio Valencia
POINTS - 45
Overall result – B
Need for next season
• Stability in the managers position
• Stop being a selling team at least
• Stop the chairman from speaking



STOKE CITY
POSITION – 12TH
MVP – RORY DELAP
POINTS - 45
Overall result – B +
Need for next season
• Buy some of the good players from Newcastle
• Find another way to attack the 18 yard box besides the throw ins of Rory Delap
• Don’t beat up on Arsenal and then lose to Portsmouth

BOLTON WANDERERS
POSITION – 13TH
MVP – KELVIN DAVIES
POINTS – 41
Overall result – C
Need for next season
• A striker who will get at the end of those knock downs from Kelvin Davies
• Buy some good players from Newcastle
• An adventurous manager
• Survival
• Don’t be scared of Man U and Chelsea

PORTSMOUTH
POSITION - 14TH
MVP - GLEN JOHNSON
POINTS – 41
Overall result – C
Need for next season
• Stability
• Manager with ideas
• Younger players; Kanu is 45, John Utaka is 40, Sol Campbell is slow, David James is 40.

BLACKBURN ROVERS
POSITION – 15TH
MVP – Ryan Nelsen
POINTS - 41
Overall result – D
Need for next season
• New manager
• New manager – playing Chris Samba as a striker is affront to football
• New manager – feeling humiliated by Rafa Benitez after being told to feel humiliated by Fergie is silly
• New manager – chewing gum
• New manager – head set/phones
• Defence


SUNDERLAND
POSITION – 16TH
MVP – KENWYNE JONES
POINTS – 36
Overall result – B
Need for next season
• Stability
• Manager with communication skills
• Stop buying Tottenham and West Ham rejects
• Defence
• newcastle
• The big 4 teams don’t bite, attempt to play them next season

HULL
POSITION – 17TH
MVP – Kevin Kilbane
POINTS – 35
Overall – D
Need for next season
• A manager who doesn’t believe his hype
• A manager who doesn’t generate hype
• A manager who didn’t learn his trade from Sam Allardyce
• Young midfielders
• Players who can play in the winter

NEWCASTLE
POSITION – RELEGATED
POINTS – NOT ENOUGH
MVP – No one good enough
Overall result – incomplete
Need for next season
• Mike Ashley becomes poor and sells the team to survive
• Alan Shearer promises never to visit Newcastle
• Reasonable fans who understand that Shearer is not a god and Mike Ashley owns the team and therefore can do anything to the team
• Get rid of 90% of the playing squad


MIDDLESBROUGH
POSITION – RELEGATED
POINTS – Not nearly enough
MVP – what?
Overall result – incomplete
Need for next season
• A ruthless owner, what is all this nonsense about being the nicst owner in football.
• New manager


WEST BROMWICH ALBION
POSITION – RELEGATED
POINTS - Doomed from day one
MVP – please
Overall result – see the headmaster
Need for next season
• Nothing, they will win the championship and be odds on to go down after one season in the premiership. Nature of the beast.

MONEY TALKS...

Interviewer:
Mr Barry, what are your plans for the coming season
Gareth Barry:
I want to play for a team in the champions league. It is the one competition I cherish above all others. That is where all the top players want to play.
Moneybags:
Why not come and play for Manchester City. We are not in the Champions league and won’t qualify for it next year. But we will give you £60,000 more a week.
Gareth Barry:
That is a good sum of money but I want to play in the Champions league. I thought we will do it with Aston Villa but our gaffer couldn’t buy a victory in two months; letting those southern softies at Arsenal to take the 4th spot.
Moneybags:
At Man City, you will play with Craig Bellamy and that reject from Chelsea, Wayne Bridge. Do you want more money? Robinho plays for us and we bid £104m for a player who can’t find Manchester on the map
Gareth Barry:
I’ll sign.
Interviewer:
So, Mr Barry you are now signing for a team not even in the Champions league. Are you joining them because they are paying you £60,000 a week more than your last pay packet?
Gareth Barry:
What do you expect me to do? I will look for another excuse of going down market; how does the potential of Manchester city sound? What about the chance to play with world class players like Jo and Kelvin Etuhu?
Interviewer:
Good luck Gareth, forget the bollocks and follow the money.

POOR OR OUTPLAYED???

Fergie believes that Manchester United could have beaten Barcelona in the champions league final if Darren Fletcher. IF fergie believes that difference between being thoroughly outplayed and dominated and winning the game yesterday was Darren Fletcher then he doesn’t know as much about football as I would have thought.

Fergie seems to forget that he already had players with limited skills but an abundance of heart and brawn on the pitch – Anderson, Ji Sun Park, John O’Shea, Michael Carrick – he couldn’t have possibly competed fairly with Barcelona if they brought on another player who is only looks half decent because he is surrounded with luxury articles like Rooney and Ronaldo.

When or how did Nemanja Vidic become Pascal Cygan? When did he become as slow as a reversing articulated lorry? In more than two games this season he has been exposed but to do it at this level is plain criminal.

Man U did not become a poor team over night but something went wrong which might include just being scared of the opposition. It happened against Real Madrid with the whole team including Roy keane and Paul Scholes freezing up against Zinedine Zidane, Redondo and Ronaldo (the original).

But how does a team with such experience not be able to compete; passing the ball to a team mate cannot be that difficult unless you are Michael Carrick and co in midfield last night. And where was the technical nous & expertise of Guus Hiddink who nullified the Barcelona threat for more than 180 minutes in the semi finals.

In the absence of three quarters of their back four I expected that Man Utd would have made it more of a game. The left back was 35 year Sylvinho but he wasn’t disturbed too much yesterday and he defending against Cristiano Ronaldo the only white shirted player who left Rome with any pride.

Man Utd will be back and I guarantee that there will be an English side in the finals next year